The person who got burned..... last week was Ann Smith--maybe not burned, but roasted and toasted. Ann is the owner of Pamela Printing, a long-time Fort Bend business, and in January her house blew up in Missouri City due to a gas leak. Although her house and personal effect were blown to smithereens with hardly anything left over the size of a quarter, Ann, who was asleep in her bed, sustained only minor injuries. She has been called Missouri City’s miracle.

The Sugar Land Cultural Arts wanted to do something for Ann as she has been a long-time supporter, but Ann refused any help. However, she agreed to participate in a money raiser as long as it was fun and as long as the money went to the SLCA.

The lunch last week, called “Great Balls of Fire” was billed as “A Roast of Ann Smith, Part 2.”

Who knew?.....how articulate, smooth, and charming was Missouri City Police Chief Ron Echols, who served as emcee. Echols not only read a proclamation from County Judge Bob Hebert declaring April 12 as “Ann Smith Day” in Fort Bend County, but he showed a police car tape of his officers stopping a suspected DUI offender who was standing outside his car when Ann’s house exploded. The suspect declared, “Hey, that wasn’t me. I’m just standing right here.”

Roast and Toasters JoAnn Stevens, Linda Marsters, Louis Garvin, and Ann’s brother County Commissioner James Patterson told some funny stories. Garvin showed a copy of the National Enquirer which had a full page devoted to Ann’s miracle although another Ann was on the cover (Anna Nicole). Patterson said he was always intimidated by Ann since she told everyone they got him (Patterson) out of a Sears & Roebuck catalogue. “I knew that anything you got from Sears you could return if it didn’t satisfy you,” he teased.

The luncheon ended with a serenade by Noel Mascarenhas, Sugar Land Mayor Dave Wallace, and Dr. Joe Anzaldua.

The men took some “fire” songs, rewrote them to fit the situation, and sang them to Ann.

Noel Mascarenhas played the part of the “trailer” guy on the Geico commercial, while Wallace sang and Dr. Anzaldua played the keyboard. They presented such songs as “Rocket Ann (Rocket Man), Wash My Hair (Light My Fire), Proud Ann (Proud Mary), Hunka, Hunka Burning Love, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, and Great Balls of Fire.”

It brought the house down.

Don’t tell my kids.....Someone pointed out to me that last week I told everyone in this column that May 12 was the last day to register to vote for the school board and city elections. Boy is my face red! I should have said that April 12 was the last day to register for the May 12 election. Of course, that ship has sailed.