Iíve done it!
Iíve discovered the purpose to life!
After pondering over The Question for
years and years, Iíve finally figured it out!
Yes, it requires three exclamation marks,
because thatís how I feel at this moment. Great! Stream of
conscious-like! Free to feel!
Okay. So the revelation was brought on by
three momentous events, one in succession of the other over
the span of three days. I have just linked the three in my
brain and discovered the epiphany a second ago.
First event: last Saturday, after a
tiring day at work, I went over to my friendís house around
midnight to talk and rewind. We started off with surface
chatting and somehow got to the deeper stuff. And stayed
there. In fact, drowned in its depth.
She believes life has no purpose.
Optimism was putting on rose-tinted glasses. Reality random.
I respect her views. In fact, I can see them in the wee
corner of my own mind but have always been too scared to let
the idea out.
But are rose-tinted glasses bad? I put
them on to prevent myself from shriveling under realityís
negative radiations. Iím no Don Quixote; I know reality. The
glasses are only dangerous for people who donít even know
they have them on.
I chose them. Because living life in
color is so much more fun than mere black and white. Rose is
my color of interpretation, because subjectivity offers the
poignancy of imagination that objectivity never provided.
Second event: Sunday night, I watched the
movie Dead Poets Society. Itís officially going on my list
of Ďdeep, influential, and inspirationalí movies of all
time. The plot revolves around a group of fun-suppressed
prep school boys living in the conforming era of the 50s and
their revelation of the joys of carpe diem (Latin for seize
the day) and rebellion. All of them break out from their
planned lives of school, med school, law school, and pursue
girls, passions, poetry, and whims. They become
Freethinkers. Feelers. Idealists.
I felt great after the movie, carpe diem
flowing in my blood as I started pondering over what my
ultimate Passion was.
But I couldnít find any. The people in
the movie had passions for teaching, for acting, for poetry.
Passion is such a strong word, in fact, the most potent word
in the English language. However, I couldnít find a thing
that I was truly passionate about.
This lack of an ultimate Passion bugged
me the whole Monday. I thought of my friends: passion for
money, passion for art, passion for music, these things
drive their actions, their behaviors, their lives. But I, I
like a lot of things, I love a selected few, but Passion?
The passion for a driving essence to the purpose of life was
missing in me.
Third event: Remember Bus Boy I met back
in the Metro-riding days of summer? Well, I still keep in
contact with him via email. He is a deep thinker who sees
the world through an artistís eyes.
One time, he described the utter
perfection of beauty in a clear glass of half-filled (or
half-empty depending on the way you look at it) water. The
way the sun rays played off the surface glass to create tiny
rainbows. The invisible undulations of water vibration. The
blurred lip stains at the edge. The transparent beauty of
such a simple object.
At that moment, he felt time stop,
suspended in its pendulous path as every inch of his being
was focused on the utter beauty of the sight.
Well, anyway, we always muse over The
Question but never arrive at an answer. In an email back to
him, I related the events of the deep chat with my friend
and the movie, and right there, as I was typing about how
bummed I was about not finding a Passion, it hit me.
My passion is to just live! Experience
Life! Explore and learn! About people, about places, ideas,
and cultures. Drink Coffee. Sunbathe. Buy new nail polish.
Talk with friends.
Cook breakfast. Text message. Rock,
classical, reggaetŘn, Big Band. Mixing it up. Goofing
around. Telling jokes. Love. The first time of everything.
No driving passion defines my path except
for my inherent curiosity of the world. My passion is the
conglomeration of all the subtle nuances of life, the small
mosaic tiles that make up a kaleidoscope. And these tiles
unite in their strength; they form my true passion and a
sturdy road to walk on.
And to have more questions than answers
actually feels liberating! Like I can be swept by the
exciting mystery currents through uncharted waters, going
whichever way life leads me.
Then suddenly everything made sense. My
desire to see the world in color, to cage the cynic, the
skeptic, the pessimist in a wee corner of my brain. The
impact of Carpe Diem and abandoning myself to true emotions
instead of manipulating with cold logic. The reason I hate
to analyze the Big Questions, because in the mean time, I
loose the chance to feel.
Life is simple. Donít make it hard. Life is a mystery.
Donít try to make sense of it. Life is silly. Laugh. Life is
like that glass of water, choose your side and drink it in.