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Alice Yang
Yang is a contributing columnist for the Fort Bend Star.
She is a student at Stephen F. Austin High School-FBISD.

This column expresses the personal opinions/views of the writer. If you would like to express your opinions/views regarding the column, write a SIGNED letter to the editor. Name can be withheld by request with a valid day time phone number.
 
Ramblings  

I hate thinking about the Big Questions.

What is Life? Why are we here? How to achieve Happiness?

Questions like these not only make my brain want to explode but also led me into depression a while ago.

Being agnostic, I have no religious guidance. I donít know whatís out there. I canít say I ever will. Being a teen at the cusp of adulthood, Iím terrified. I donít know what I want to do. I donít know where I will end up. I just donít know.

Life seems to me, purposeless. At best, a concrete illusion of abstract ideas. At worst, a series of unrelated events.

Examining life is like examining yourself. The only way to see? Through a mirror with your own eyes.

Reality is forever unreal.

And where do we go when weíre dead? Sucked into the ruthless, silent vortex of space, infinity, and mystery, never to think, feel, be.

Life is a compromise, a sacrifice of one thing for another. Never the best of both worlds. Always a choice.

And the other possibilities are never lived, never known, diminished to dust as the fork in the road fades and we walk on.

Whatís the purpose of thinking when all it leads to are other unanswered questions?

I stopped searching for a purpose to guide me.

My new philosophy is to walk the given and chosen forks of life and just experience.

Everything doesnít happen for a reason. They happen because they happen.

I stopped trying to capture and analyze every little grain of sand that slipped through my fingers and started to just let the sand flow and feel its continuous texture.

And it was like a huge burden lifted off of me, something so close to a religious catharsis that it left me forever suspended on an invisible plateau.

And the world from then on was surreal, the realest reality Iíve known. Through my depression, nothing mattered. I was a zombie walking my daily routine with the world whirling around me. But afterwards, afterwards the only clarity I saw was how silly everything was.

People living life with masks on, wasting unwanted emotions. People living life without masks, never finding acceptance. The types of people. The nature of humans. The veil of understanding. The inherit pessimism. The gilded optimism. The layers upon layers of experience and deceit and influence that morph us into ever-morphing beings. The beauty of ignorance. The fatality of knowledge. The mystery. The paradox.

Life is.

Yang is a contributing columnist for the Fort Bend Star. She is a student in FBISD.

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   Last Update:  February 08, 2007