The strangest thing in a relationship is
when you find that various aspects of a personality were
figments of your own overactive imagination. Often, between
the camaraderie and rapport of friendship, warm bubbles
start to flutter around in our brains, clouding our better
judgment. And then, with a jolt, we find that we
overestimated. We found something that was never there.
I say itís the strangest thing because it
creates a weird sort of alienation and estrangement.
Alienation because you wonder if they were at all the person
you thought they were. And estrangement because you start to
distance yourself, the bubbles recede, and you look at them
through what you hope is a less colored vantage point. A
long distance seems to extend between the two recently
estranged friends, like two carriages driving in opposite
directions with the passengers constantly facing each other
and watching, watching, watching till the opposite car fades
into oblivion. And when you lose sight of the car, you lose
the motivation to chase it, asking yourself this: what good
was all of that in the first place?
Itís not always caused by the foolishness
of a fizzy, idyllic glee; frequently, the impetus is
something more unavoidable like, say, that the person has
layers and the bottom layer is starkly different from the
top. And the layers only peel off after a period of time;
the strata are not apparent at first glance.
Sometimes the relationship undergoes a
botched and messy sort of surgery in which both sides try to
act apply analgesics and smooth things over. A stitch and
excuse here, and some there, and we can all pretend
everything is just perfect. Weíll just conveniently overlook
the unsightly blemishes the split caused. This spirals into
the most desperate kind of friendship; faults are overlooked
and the relationship continues at the hashed, lurching speed
of a locomotive with a deranged driver.
Which is why things should never be
forced and always be natural in relationships. Why are
humans so messy?