In some states and even in some Texas cities, you can be arrested for Driving While Talking ... on the cell phone that is. I fully support the endeavors to stop wrecks that result from the distraction of talking on your cell phone while driving, but I have to admit that on long trips, I have a tendency to talk on my cell phone. A lot.
I hate to drive so much and consider it repetitive and boring. I’ve been known to talk from Houston to San Antonio, from Ballinger to Austin, from Fort Bend County to Guadalupe County, from ... well, you get the picture. In fact, ask Sally, Jean, Margot, Marsha, LeaAnne. Many is the time they’ve talked me in from some road trip.
All this is to make the case that I’m all for cell phones, most of the time.
But the next time I’m trying to drive through the Kroger parking lot, or the Wal-Mart lot and someone saunters out in front of my car, idly chatting on their cell phone while my motor is racing, I’m going to run over them and claim my foot slipped off the brake or I have Alzheimer’s.
It is a mystery to me what could be so important that you have to make a telephone call while walking across the street.
The same thing goes for talking on your cell phone when you are in front of my grocery cart in Gerlands or Krogers.
Now if you are a man, I can see you have to call home and ask the wife what brand, how much, etc. Many men are grocery-store challenged when it comes to buying supplies.
But if you are a woman with your fat backside stuffed into stretch pants and you amble along in the grocery aisle, chatting on your phone and taking up more aisle space than necessary because you are not paying attention, then I’m going to tell you to hang up and get out of the way. Grocery shopping is not a social event for me or most other people.
When you are checking out your groceries, don’t you know you are going to have to pay for them? Why do you wait until the cashier tells you how much you owe before you start digging in your purse for your wallet or checkbook. What kind of moron waits until the cashier is through to look for money with which to pay. Do you think someone is going to come over and say, “put it on my tab,” like they used to when we were younger and looking for love in all the wrong places (bars)?
No, sister, that money is due now and digging through your purse only ticks off the rest of us waiting in line.
Why do they put their new cashiers in the “10 items or less” lane. It’s supposed to be the express lane, yet there is where you find the slowest checkers, the people who cheat or don’t know how to count to 10, or the coupon clippers, usually expired, which have to be scanned and are still no good. Remember those people in line behind you hate your guts. They wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.
There are the “correct changers.” These people spend minutes scratching through the debris in the bottom of their purse or pocket for the exact correct change. Why don’t you just pay with a big bill and throw the change haphazardly into your purse like the rest of us who aren’t anal? Hell, I’ve paid for trips with the money from the bottom of my purse. I consider it my own little IRA.
Like I’ve said, grocery shopping isn’t a social experience. It’s get in, get out, get home, start cooking.
As you can tell, all that food buying, preparing, and eating at Thanksgiving just made me mad.
Now some elected official or officials do something bad to make me mad. I’ve about run out of things to write about, even myself, which I usually consider an unending source. If some of you elected officials don’t hurry up and do something bad, I’m going to start telling you “cute” stories about my grandkids.
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